The Narcissistic Leader: Are You Leading From Purpose or Ego?
Not all leaders are great, and not all greats are leaders.
We’ve all seen them—people who proclaim themselves as leaders, dominate conversations, bask in the limelight, and command attention. They have an audience, a title, and maybe even a devoted following. But are they really leading, or are they simply performing?
The truth is, leadership is not about self-importance; it’s about serving others. Yet, in today’s world, we see more and more individuals—especially in business, politics, and media—who mistake their narcissistic tendencies for leadership. This raises an important question: What makes a good leader?
A Case Study: Leadership vs. Narcissism
Take, for instance, Donald Trump. Before diving in, let me clarify—this is not a political stance. This is not about Republicans versus Democrats. This is an analysis of leadership style, completely detached from political ideology.
Trump is undeniably a leader. He has held one of the most powerful positions in the world as the President of the United States. He makes leadership decisions every day that affect millions of people. The question is not whether Trump is a leader—it’s whether he is a good leader.
From a leadership perspective, Trump exhibits several traits of narcissistic leadership, including:
Self-promotion over shared vision – His leadership often revolves around personal branding rather than a collective mission.
Demand for loyalty – Rather than fostering collaboration, Trump’s leadership style often expects personal allegiance.
Resistance to criticism – Strong leaders grow from feedback, but Trump has a tendency to respond to criticism with defensiveness or attacks.
Contrast this with the insights from some of the greatest leadership thinkers:
Simon Sinek’s "Leaders Eat Last" philosophy teaches that great leaders serve their people first, prioritizing collective success over personal gain.
Brené Brown champions vulnerability as a strength in leadership, while Trump's persona is built on dominance and unwavering confidence.
John Maxwell’s leadership philosophy emphasizes influence over control, while Trump’s leadership tends to rely on direct authority and transactional relationships.
So, is Trump leading? Absolutely. But is he leading from a place of service and purpose—or from a place of ego? That’s the real question. And that’s the same question we need to ask ourselves as leaders.
The Conversation That Sparked This Article
The inspiration for this article came from a conversation I had with a friend about leadership and the rise of self-proclaimed leaders on social media. We debated whether these individuals were truly leading or just full of themselves.
My stance? Not everyone who calls themselves a leader is a good leader—but if they have the desire to lead and are actively working toward becoming better, then they are a leader. Leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about influence.
In many ways, we are all leaders to someone, somewhere, even if we don’t hold an official title. I considered myself a leader long before I held an executive position. I showed up for my team, advocated for others, set the example, and aimed to help those around me thrive. Leadership isn’t about a title; it’s about actions and impact.
Did I have narcissistic moments along the way? Absolutely. Looking back, I can think of quite a few. But I had the self-awareness to assess my motivations and listen to the people around me when they gave me advice on how to improve.
That wasn’t always easy—I was reactive and combative at times. In many ways, I still am initially because that was my default behavior before I developed the self-discipline to practice emotional control. But having that feedback was instrumental in my growth as a leader and as a person.
The Rough Stone That Needs Polishing
No one is born a great leader. We all start as rough stones—full of potential but in need of shaping. Some of us may have natural confidence or charisma, but leadership isn’t about being naturally gifted—it’s about continuous growth.
The best leaders are those who recognize their rough edges and actively work to refine them.
A narcissistic leader, however, believes they are already polished. They see themselves as the gemstone, failing to recognize that real brilliance comes from reflection, learning, and adaptation. This is the critical distinction between a leader and someone who merely assumes the role.
What Makes a Good Leader?
The greatest minds in leadership—like Simon Sinek, Brené Brown, and John Maxwell—have taught us that true leadership is rooted in service, empathy, and purpose.
✅ Simon Sinek teaches that leaders eat last, prioritizing the success of their team over their own individual gain.
✅ Brené Brown emphasizes vulnerability and courage, two traits narcissistic leaders often perceive as weaknesses.
✅ John Maxwell reminds us that leadership is about influence, not control. True leaders inspire action rather than demanding obedience.
Narcissistic leaders disregard these principles. They view leadership as a tool for personal validation rather than collective success.
The Blind Spot: When You Don’t Know You’re the Problem
One of the most challenging aspects of narcissism is that those who exhibit these traits often don’t realize it. Narcissists see their behaviors as confidence, their demands as high standards, and their self-interest as necessary for success.
But here’s the truth: at some point in our careers, we’ve all displayed a touch of narcissism. Maybe we’ve taken too much credit, overlooked someone else’s contribution, or let our egos dictate decisions. It’s a natural part of early leadership development.
The difference is that true leaders recognize and correct these tendencies over time.
Self-Reflection: Are You Leading From Ego or Purpose?
If leadership is a mirror, a narcissistic leader sees only their own reflection. A real leader, however, looks inward not for admiration but for self-improvement.
Ask yourself:
Am I making decisions for the good of the team or for my own recognition?
Am I actively listening, or just waiting for my turn to speak?
Do I encourage others to grow, or do I suppress their potential out of fear they’ll surpass me?
These questions create a foundation of self-awareness that separates effective leaders from those who are merely positional leaders.
Helping Others Step Out of the Mirror
Leadership isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about elevating others. So how do we help those who may be unaware of their narcissistic tendencies?
➡️ Encourage self-awareness – Create a culture where feedback and reflection are valued.
➡️ Promote team success over individual glory – Highlight collective wins instead of placing individuals on a pedestal.
➡️ Model humility – Demonstrate vulnerability and a willingness to admit mistakes. When leaders normalize self-improvement, others follow suit.
The Path Forward
Great leadership is not about being the center of attention—it’s about directing attention to the bigger picture. It requires us to shift from a mindset of me to we, from power to purpose, from control to growth.
If we remain conscious of our own tendencies and help others do the same, we can ensure that leadership is built on trust, service, and authentic influence.
Because in the end, true leadership isn’t about how brightly we shine—it’s about how well we help others shine, too.
